Recently , I stumbled across Dorothy Rose Blumberg’sWhose What?,a book of “ the American Language ’s ” strangest genitive axioms , like “ Adam ’s Apple ” and “ Achilles ’ Heel . ” Most were familiar , but some were both so strange and exalted that I could only hear them being declared in Ron Burgundy ’s voice ( savour a collection of Ron ’s unequaled expletiveshere ) . So , if you ’re looking for the perfect old - fashioned curse or doctrine of analogy , try some of these .
1. Expression: “Balaam’s Ass!”
Refers to : Stupidly ignoring warning signs . It comes from a scriptural report of a prophet who was send to curse his King ’s enemies , the Israelites . He rode his faithful Equus asinus toward the Israelites until an angel appeared on the road . Only the domestic ass could see the angel , so she veered into a field of battle . Balaam beat her until she was back on the road . Further down , again the angel appeared , again the ass moved aside , and was again harshly beaten . The third time the angel appeared he blocked the road entirely so they could n’t pass . The donkey lay down in the road while Balaam beat her unmercifully . At that point the donkey looked up and asked him , “ Why are you beat me ? Have n’t I been a good domestic ass ? ” When Balaam agreed , yes she had , he could suddenly see the fearsome angel standing before him , steel in manus . The backer differentiate him to continue , and Balaam went and shower down grace upon Israel rather of curses . ( Interesting short letter : In the entireness of the Bible , the only other prison term an beast spoke was Satan disguised as a serpent in the Garden of Eden ) .
Sample use : To declare your frustration when your wisdom is n’t heeded . “ See ! Itoldyou the manager had desex the surveillance television camera outside the provision closet ! Who am I , Balaam ’s Ass over here ? ? ”
2. Expression: “Cleopatra’s War Trumpets!”
refer to : Dangerous uselessness . ostensibly , Cleopatra post her men to the blooming battle of Actium fortify with Egyptian sistrum . A sistrum is a large religious rattle — basically , a fancy stick with bells on it . When judder , it was supposed to scare off evil life . “ War Trumpets ” were a taunting quotation . No one can say whether or not they negociate to guard off evil , but Egypt fall behind that battle , allow for Rome to become the greatest nation in the world , unopposed .
Sample Usage : refuse to take part in any of your full cousin ’s ballistics test . “ Reggie , your homemade Kevlar is as about as useful as Cleopatra ’s War Trumpets . ”
3. Expression: “Solomon’s Ring!”
Refers to : Mastery over nature . In the traditional Islamic story , Solomon was nap in a meadow and daydream that eight angels gave him a jewel inscribed “ God is Power and Greatness . ” Solomon had the gem localise into a ring , and it give him the mogul to see all fauna and to control all living thing , all the forces of nature , and all that was supernatural as well .
Sample Usage : Straining to congratulate your neighbour ’s garden after cervid recrudesce down your chicken conducting wire fence and feed five months of your careful cultivation and tender care . “ Wow , Cynthia . bet at that garden ! By Solomon ’s Ring , there ’s not even a exclusive escargot trail in there . How ace for you . ”
4. Expression: “Buridan’s Ass!”
consult to : agony indecision . A 14th century French philosopher named Jean Buridan used the animal to represent a philosophical quandary . Hypothetically , the ass fend between two as desirably Basel of hay , unable to decide which one to eat . And then it starved to death because of its indecision .
Sample Usage : Taking 20 proceedings to eventually settle for vanilla at Baskin Robbins , which you do n’t even like . “ Dangit . I ’m such a Buridan ’s Ass when it come to ice cream . ”
5. Expression: “Ariadne’s Thread!”
Refers to : Becoming un - lost . In Greek mythology , Athens was under obligation to send human sacrifice to Crete to be eaten by their Minotaur . Theseus , Athenian son of Poseidon , volunteered as a forfeit . As before long as he get off the boat , Ariadne , the Grecian princess , fell in dearest with him . She give him a magic ball of golden thread which he used to find his style back out of the maze after killing the Minotaur . He escaped Athens with Ariadne in towage . The legend diverges there , but by most history he promptly trench her on a beach , where the god Dionysus married her instead . So thing pretty much evened out .
Sample Usage : discover your railway car in the promenade parking lot the night of December 23rd . “ No Chad , I do n’t remember what lot it ’s in . I forgot my lump of Ariadne ’s Thread when I grabbed my purse this morning . ”
6. Expression: “Morton’s Fork!”
Refers to : Being pin no matter which way you go . The manifestation refer to John Morton , Archbishop of Canterbury in 1491 , servant to Henry VII . Henry was trying to reinstate the stableness of the English monarchy by fight The War of the Roses , and needed more money from his clergy to do it . ( The clergy in question were n’t the poverty-stricken monks and priest , but their wealthy bishops and cardinal ) . The clergy did not want to give away their money , so they took one of two approaches . Either they came in rags and said they were too poor to contribute , or they came in ridiculous finery saying they needed every penny to maintain the dignity of their position . Morton was n’t having it . His “ ramification ” led to a idle end , no matter which fashion you charter . If you ’re a mellow clergyman in rag , you ’re obviously storing away all the money you extract from your underlings and beneficiaries . If you ’re grand , you ’re evidently rich and can spare plenty of money for your King . Either way , hand it over .
Sample employment : remind a teenager what staying home sick entail . “ Morton ’s Forkyou’re going to act Xbox . If you ’re well , you go to school , if you ’re unbalanced , you lie in bed . goal of options . ”
7. Expression: “Robin Hood’s Barn!”
Refers to : Taking forever to get to the point . Probably entail to call to mind the malefic Sheriff of Nottingham chasing a merry Robin round and orotund in a sleeveless effort to capture him .
Sample Usage : For the weekly board meeting that goes on 40 bit longer than necessary . “ We do n’t need to keep operate all around Robin Hood ’s Barn here , mass ! Just tell Frank we all saw his net history and that he ’s fired ! ”
8. Expression: “Saint Wilfrid’s Needle!”
Refers to : A woman ’s chastity . In the crypt of an ancient Saxoncathedralin Ripon , there is the bantam of holes ( acerate leaf ) connecting the crypt to what was once the choir . It is said that a young lady could prove her sexual morality if she were able to fit through St. Wilfrid ’s Needle . ( Which is coherent in a fashion , as it appear to be impassible for anything wider than a whippet . )
Sample exercise : A classy way for cleaning woman to pick at each other at party . “ I ’d wish to seeherfit through Saint Wilfrid ’s Needle . ”
