cyberspace reaction to Spider - Man : Turn Off The Dark has oscillated between abject horror andDoc Brown ’s look when the model DeLorean catches on fire in 1955 . But I ’ll be a contrarian and say that this musical will be transcendent .
The media blitz for Julie Taymor and U2 ’s Spider - Man : Turn Off The Dark has begun in earnest , what with its Song dynasty and array debut onGood Morning America yesterday . Many an looker-on ca n’t believe this is happening — the thought of Spider - Fosse on the big White Way is give everyone flashback to that scene in Spider - Man 3 where alien goo turn Tobey Maguire into an evil Cherry Poppin ’ Daddy .
But pardon me as I take my io9 lid off and put on myArmond Whiteten - Imperial gallon Stetson — there , that ’s good — because I hereby decree that Spider - Man : bend Off The Dark will be the best superhero musical ever . Simply view it will be like watching the birth of a neutron star and a baby grayish brown at the same time . It will be a striking experience on par with King Midas jamming his power finger’s breadth in your centre and translate your perch and retinal cone into fluid aurum . It will be the musical combining weight of a deep - tissue massage from Flash Thompson or Felicia Hardy ( or J. Jonah Jameson , not judging here ) .
Here is my grounds that this $ 52 million arachnid - and - pony show will shake your face . Just remember , “ A TOTAL catastrophe ? ” is an anagram for “ ES A LOTTA RAD S?IT ” ( that ’s a long E , by the way ) .
1 . ) It will be the good Broadway superhero melodious ever .
This is implicit , as Spiderman : Turn Off the Dark ’s only competition is 1966 ’s It ’s A Bird … It ’s A Plane … It ’s Superman . That show bombed , but it score a duo of Tony nod . However , it will everlastingly experience in ignominy thanks to the dreadful 1975 TV adaptation that aired on ABC .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EL_3JUxaii8
Also , let ’s not forgetthe foundered 1985 Captain America musicalthat was advertised in comics . Way to shatter K of 10 - to-14 - yr - old girl ’ dreaming of becoming the next Ethel Merman , Cap .
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a4eHfF66Eq8
2 . ) It will also be the practiced Spider - Man musical ever .
This too is screamingly unquestioning , as the only former Spidey song - and - dance review was Spider - Man Rocks ! that run at Universal Studios Hollywood from 2002 - 2004 . On the scale of timber , Spider - Man Rocks ! decrease somewhere between the The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’Coming Out of Their Shells Tourand Stan “ The Man ” Griffin’sSpider - Man sex groove . If you ’ve ever thought the Spider - Man mythos needed more Ricky Martin ( a cluster of muggers warble “ She Bangs ” before lash out Mary Jane ) , catch some Z’s loose screw that likewise deranged multitude on this major planet apportion your views .
https://gizmodo.com/when-the-ninja-turtles-played-radio-city-music-hall-yo-5568192
https://gizmodo.com/the-most-erotic-rendition-of-the-spider-man-theme-ever-5535355
3 . ) The curing to the Oscorp research lab in reality looks somewhat neat .
It appear the research laboratory where Helmut Kohl built Kraftwerk or something .
4 . ) Julie Taymor knows her Spider - Man scoundrel .
In a late interview , Taymor declare that in improver to the Green Goblin , Spider - Man would be battling a whole pot of enemy :
Then we have this affair in Act Two , where Spider - Man ’s tycoon keep wax and rising and you meet what we call ‘ The Sinister Six / Seven . ’ We have Kraven , Carnage , Lizard [ … ]
Also , a 2009 prevue of the showincluded cameo from Rhino and the Swarm . Barring the Green Goblin , we ’ve never project any of these villain in a live - action adaptation . For those readers who are n’t familiar with these villain , here ’s a quick rundown why they ’ll be perfect for stage :
Kraven the Hunter : A deadly gamesman who trim like a lost extra from Julie Taymor ’s previous show , The Lion King .
Carnage : Like Venom , but rhubarb - flavored . Will appeal to that lucrative demographic of theatergoers whoowned Super Nintendos in 1994 .
The Lizard : Appeared as his alter ego , Dr. Curt Connors , in the Spider - Man films . Has green skin and purple gasp . Is not the Hulk . Audience members will hopefully mistake him for the Hulk .
Rhino : Like Lennie from Of Mice and Men , but a rhinoceros . Another self-justification to befuddle hearing member into thinking they ’re watching The Lion King .
Swarm : A animation swarm of bees in a fuchsia wimple ! Everyone jazz that ! Also , let ’s give it up for the fact that this totally obscure 500 - list villain is making his launching in a multimillion dollar musical !
Also , here ’s photo of the costumes for the Green Goblin and a young villain created just for the musical .
This brings me to my next point …
5 . ) A Swiss Army Knife - themed scoundrel was created for the show
Swiss Miss is a new , serrate villain created by Taymor and designer Eiko Ishioka . This is perhaps the first clock time in superhero history a character ’s powers are “ toothpick ” and “ fish scaler . ”
6 . ) There ’s still way for a whodunit baddie !
Taymor has announced that a “ Sinister Seven ” will appear in the melodious . pass that an obscure villain like Swarm made the stinger , I trust is that the yield team will appeal to the moneyed seniors ( who ’ll actually have the scratch to attend this melodious ) and include Silvermane , one of the strangest Spider - Man baddie ever . He ’s essentially Robocop with an AARP card .
7 . ) The music sucking could be a meta - commentary on Peter Parker .
I have a tin ear for musical . When show tunes hit my eardrum , they clot into some inchoate , jazz - hand fondue , which , in my mind ’s eye , resembles Julie Andrews if she playedthat doomed henchmanin Robocop . Ergo , I have no particular judgement on this song . If you do n’t wish the medicine , just think of it as a seditious commentary on how Peter Parker ’s a really vexing friend .
8 . ) The above song sound vaguely like that U2 strain from Batman Forever !
That song ’s giving me flashbacks to“Hold Me Kiss tingle Me Kill Me . ”Why is this a good thing ? If the musical is a hit , then maybe this will inhale Seal to write a superhero musical in which every song sound mistily like “ snog From A Rose . ” I would so pay to see 120 minutes worth of “ Kiss From A Rose . ”
9 . ) In the end , a superhero musical form of give sense .
melodic theatre buff possess a specialized , arcane knowledge that ’s not easily approachable to the uninitiate — so do comic book fans . Broadway melodic theatre of operations tends to be overweeningly sincere , with the exception of full treatment that “ subvert the genre . ” The same go for superhero comics . Musical theater deals in a extremely mediated cast of reality where people clothe in leotards cease every 5 min to belt out out a song . Superhero strip occur in the real - world , but closely - clothe people oft stop alien invasions , which are scheduled every 5 minutes . In sum , Spider - Man : Turn Off The Dark compound these two art build into a cultural Voltron that will smush billet - modernness into paste .
10 . ) If the show becomes a massive hit , a distich ten from now summer stock productions will be putting on their own uproariously low - budget versions of Spider - Man : Turn Off The Dark .
And hopefully they ’ll seem ( and sound ) like this .
ComicsGawkerSpider - Man
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